Careers360 Logo

Popular Searches

    Parenting

    8 Healthy Ways You Can ‘Give Space’ To Your Teenager

    By Nandini Raman
    26 Jan'23  6 min read
    8 Healthy Ways You Can ‘Give Space’ To Your Teenager
    Synopsis

    As much as it is important for parents to ‘be there’ for their teenage children, it is equally important to understand the teens’ need for space and how to give it. This article dives deep into what exactly is meant by ‘giving space’ to your child, why they need it, and how parents can successfully facilitate their children’s metamorphosis from childhood to adulthood.

    8 Healthy Ways You Can ‘Give Space’ To Your Teenager
    Synopsis

    As much as it is important for parents to ‘be there’ for their teenage children, it is equally important to understand the teens’ need for space and how to give it. This article dives deep into what exactly is meant by ‘giving space’ to your child, why they need it, and how parents can successfully facilitate their children’s metamorphosis from childhood to adulthood.

    Unquestionably, most often teenage years are the most challenging, difficult, frustrating, and awkward years of a person’s life! As loving, concerned, and caring parent/s we need to learn to support our children through this turbulent period of their lives, irrespective of how hard it is for us to make sense of it and keep our sanity in check through the process. Yes, they will push the boundaries, not listen to you, give you attitude, speak back, slam the door in your face, ask you about ‘what else’ have you done for them, have irritating friends, and perhaps so much more but we need to learn to ‘connect with them’ irrespective – without judging them! Tough and hard, yes, agreed, but yet not entirely impossible.

    Remember Your Own Time

    It is amazing how we slip into ‘selective amnesia’ and almost forget what it felt like to be a teenager ourselves. It is indeed true that the previous years were perhaps so much easier without such high disposable income, double salaries, the mall culture, multiplexes, gadgets, smartphones, the internet, and social media that have the power to turn you completely addicted and insane!

    Also Read | Why Communication Is Key To Understanding The Needs Of Your Growing Child

    Where The Problem Lies

    All research however proves that teenagers absolutely do love their parents but the inability of parents to ‘get their story’ or ‘understand what they are experiencing’ and ‘be non- judgemental’ is what keeps them distant and doesn’t allow them to be vulnerable with the latter even when they are going through a rough patch.

    Need For Healthy Space

    Teens need to discover themselves and figure out their ‘independent identity’ as a unique, separate being away from their parents’ image, the family’s expectations, and friends’ and influencers’ approvals and validations. For this, they most certainly need healthy s-p-a-c-e-s that allow for this metamorphosis.

    They need to define their personal choices and what their friendships mean, what boundaries to maintain, what their safe relationships are, what is private and what is public information, what behaviour is acceptable and what isn’t, how much to push the envelope and when to stop, take ownership and responsibility for decisions that they make, people they trust, explore romantic relationships, dabble and experiment with addictive behaviours (watching excessive porn, tv, drinking, smoking), when to quit company that doesn’t work for them, and figure out academic and life goals through all this noise of g-r-o-w-i-n-g up! This has to be ‘all their work’!

    Also Read | How Is Your Parenting Style Impacting Your Child?

    Giving Space, Giving Your Teen Space, Why Your Teenager Needs Space, How to give space to your childTeens Need To Discover Themselves And Figure Out Their Independent Identity

    Challenges Faced By Parents

    The toughest job of parenting is to be ‘kind and firm’ to stay ‘consistent’, to be aware of your own ‘shortcomings’, your ‘mental health’ as a parent, the ‘dynamics of the marriage’ that play out, to realise when and what the child is ‘sponging in’ about the home environment and still continue to ‘lead from the top’, walk your talk and be a ‘role model’ that they can look up to with admiration and awe. Even if none of this is possible – can we just ‘love and accept them unconditionally’ and be their ‘emotional and security blanket’ till they fly out of the nest?

    Create ‘Family Rules’

    Teens want their space to be ‘respected’ and not violated. This could be their wallet, bags, phones, friend-list, cupboards, bathrooms, and bedrooms! It is imperative that we ‘create family rules’ that state desired, reasonable expectations and are stated upfront for the child to be able to stay mindful of. We need to ‘respect their boundaries’ and not smother the child in the name of ‘love, care or worry’.

    “Step Back!”

    It has taken me a while to learn these harsh truths as stepping back was impossible initially. We justify it by saying that we do not want them hurt, they are too young to know what is right for them, and so we want to provide a safe world coloured and influenced by our values and beliefs – for them to fit into! It was conscious, hard work to promote the healthy parent-child relationship that I wanted with my children and so I learnt to ‘step back’!

    Also Read | Teenage Relationships: Tips To Help Your Teenager Deal With A Breakup

    Trust Your Children

    We need to ‘trust them’ implicitly and have faith in our own parenting that even if they don’t tell you everything, they need to know that you are the ‘only’ SOS speed dial number to call when things go south! Fill their emotional, love tanks!

    Giving Space, Giving Your Teen Space, Why Your Teenager Needs Space, How to give space to your childWe Need To Trust Our Children Implicitly And Have Faith In Our Own Parenting

    Let Them Feel Autonomous

    Any normal, healthy child needs a ‘healthy space to grow’. They need to develop and experience their own autonomy and independence whilst creating interests, likes, dislikes, activities, and hobbies and developing their own friendships. This helps them become confident, and develop good self-esteem and self-worth that helps showcase social skills to co-exist with people (friends and others). They need the freedom to discover who they are.

    Communicate The Right Way

    It does eventually come down to ‘communication’ – have regular conversations with them where you are operating from care and concern (sometimes holding your heart in your mouth or being really mad with them for some wrong choices) but treating them like adults.

    Calmly Drive The Conversation | Express your point of concern in a way that they understand. It is a challenge because as ‘adults’ as they look, the rational part of their brain (the frontal lobe) is still not fully-developed and functional, and so you need to ‘stay calm’ and steer the conversation.

    Use The Right Examples | Be empathetic and explain your stance using examples (not comparisons with other ‘good siblings’ and other peers who you find stable and grounded) that deliver your case.

    Keep Communication ‘Open’ | Try and genuinely understand their point of view (even when it doesn’t make too much sense), keep ‘open communication’, and ‘don’t blame and accuse’ them!

    Also Read | Why You Need To Draw Boundaries With Your Teenage Child

    Be Firm, Encourage, Empower

    Their safety is our concern and so remember that sometimes it is about being a ‘firm parent’ first and not a Santa Claus or a preferred easy, liked parent. They can make some bad, poor choices but don’t run them down. Instead, empower them and help identify what was inappropriate and if there was a ‘better choice’ that they could have made instead.

    ‘Encourage’ them. It is okay to make mistakes but sometimes these mistakes can prove expensive and also fatal, so we need to be wise and not be merely led by an adrenaline, peer rush to seek popularity!

    Avoid Screaming Or Yelling

    Refrain from having a ‘shout fest’ with your teenagers. It is also absolutely okay for you to have difficult conversations, but take some time off to gather your thoughts to present your case. Remember, we are the adults in this equation and need to know and act better. Their hormones are racing and raging in anger, physical and verbal abuse is never the answer.

    Giving Space, Giving Your Teen Space, Why Your Teenager Needs Space, How to give space to your childRefrain From Having A Shout Fest With Your Teenagers

    Disconnect When Required

    ‘Walk away, disconnect and disengage’ if you need to rather than burning bridges to ‘teach them a lesson’ – it is a regressive and punitive parenting tool – redundant today! The ‘harm is disproportionate’. They almost always leave home and fly off the nest with that angst and hatred, never wanting to return.

    Our children need to feel safe, loved, wanted, needed, and respected by us and know at all times in their hearts and minds that we are proud of them, just as they are!

    Also Read | Having A Holistic View Of Education: Why Parents Need To Modify Perspective

    Nandini Raman is a Consultant Counselor; Corporate Trainer; and Columnist with a leading English newspaper. She contributes to a successful weekly column on career guidance and choices. With more than fifteen years of experience in the field, Nandini is guest faculty at many prestigious schools, colleges and training institutions. She is a hands-on parent to two teenagers. Nandini can be reached at www.iamfine.in

      Subscribe to Membership Plan

      *Unlock all premium content and benefits:
      Read more from Latest Stories

      Careers360 helping shape your Career for a better tomorrow

      student

      250M+

      Students

      colleges

      30,000+

      Colleges

      exams

      500+

      Exams

      ebook

      1500+

      E-Books

      Download Careers360 App's

      Regular exam updates, QnA, Predictors, College Applications & E-books now on your Mobile

      • student
        250M+

        Students

      • colleges
        30,000+

        Colleges

      • exams
        500+

        Exams

      • ebook
        1500+

        E-Books

      • certification
        12000+

        Cetifications

      student
      Mobile Screen

      We Appeared in