5 Tips To Maintain Healthy Friendships

Whether it is 3 Idiots, Sholay, Harry Potter, or F.R.I.E.N.D.S., stories of friendships have been portrayed widely through television and films across different timelines. All these stories show true friends giving support to each other without judgment, coming through during crises, and knowing just the right thing to say when it matters most. We all have secretly desired friendships like this.

Friendships are the relationships we choose outside of family and play a crucial role in building a support system.

Friendship can come in a variety of forms. You could have a large group of close friends or maybe a smaller group. You might see some of your friends more frequently than you see the others. However, thanks to technology, keeping in touch has become way easier and bridged physical distances to some extent, if not completely.

Friendships Foster Happiness

Research states close friendships lead to higher levels of self-esteem, psychosocial adjustment, and interpersonal sensitivity. Adults who describe their friendships as more positive and satisfying report lesser feelings of anxiety and hostility (Bagwell et al., 2005). Whereas, young adults who were able to describe a close friendship as early as in pre-adolescence, have been found to show greater enjoyment, assistance, intimacy, emotional support, sensitivity, loyalty, mutual affection, and overall better quality of life than those who did not. (Bagwell, Newcomb, & Bukowski, 1998).

Tips To Maintain Healthy Friendships

Needless to say, human beings are wired for social connections. Healthy friendships equate with a healthy life, but how do we foster them? Let’s learn a few tips to build and maintain strong friendships.

Communicate Honestly

Friends often share and keep each other’s secrets, which leads to establishing trust in the relationship. Any strong and long-lasting friendship requires honesty. A supportive friend listens with interest and is open and honest in their response when someone expresses their thoughts or feelings. You may not have to agree with everything they do or say, but it’s essential to try to be non-judgmental and compassionate, thereby creating a sense of safety and trust between the friends.

Consider asking this to yourself – “How do I show my friends that I’m worthy of their trust? Am I able to put my trust in them? How validated and accepted do we feel showing vulnerability in each other’s company?”

Any Strong And Long-Lasting Friendship Requires Honesty

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Respect Boundaries

Respect your friends’ boundaries as well as their experiences. Some people take more time than others to let people get close to them. Don’t crowd your friends, rather give them the space they need to feel comfortable, and let the relationship deepen over time.

You may ask yourself – “How much space do I allow in my friendships for things like individuality and self-care, and how often do I get that for myself?”

Allow Room For Mistakes

We all are human beings and it is natural to make mistakes. No one promises to bring perfection to a relationship, so being willing to accept and forgive the shortcomings of others makes it more likely to build lasting friendships. When you make a mistake, apologise for it. Make sure you explain to your friend your intention, acknowledge where you went wrong, and explain what you mean by saying ‘sorry’. your friend understands that your intention is not to hurt or punish. Likewise, allow your friends room for making mistakes and seeking forgiveness.

Ask yourself – “Am I willing to let go and forgive my friends when they genuinely acknowledge their mistake? Are my expectations reasonable and allow space for making mistakes? Is my way of asking forgiveness the right way to do it?”

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Embrace Differences

Not only are we all unique individuals, but time also makes us grow in different ways. It’s natural to feel frustrated or surprised when you and your friend stand on opposite sides of the spectrum on an issue or belief. For example, you and your friend both connected over a mutual love for football, however, with time your friend may develop a liking for music and want to spend more time practising that. Sometimes, differences also come in because of certain life transitions that people may be going through. Try to concentrate on the aspects of your relationship that you can still share. It's possible that you now have far more to learn from one another than you did previously. When the distance becomes apparent, it may be a good time to reflect on – Why did become friends in the first place ? Is it still possible to meet each other at some middle point or the distance has surpassed the scope for connection?

Make Time, Show Appreciation

At times the familiarity and comfort we feel with another person can leave us to forget to show gratitude. As we do with other relationships, it is essential to find time to make real contact with friends in order for the relationship to flourish. We may become more prone to take our friends for granted when we fall into a routine. Make sure to express how you feel, and take actions that show how well you know and care for them. Generosity is key to happiness. Make sure to show your friends love and consideration by doing good deeds. Make the efforts they would deem compassionate. Consider their interests and passions when planning a way to say thank you. For instance, next time you are planning a birthday party for your friend, ask yourself – “Do I know how my friend likes to celebrate, or would they like a big party or a small, quiet gathering?”

It is also important to know what is considered “healthy” can vary dramatically among cultures, families, and individuals. As always, reflecting and deciding what makes the most sense for you is helpful.

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Sanskriti Khera is a Counselling Psychologist, with five years of hands-on experience in helping young adults navigate through social and emotional concerns. Her approach to counselling is person-centered, trauma-informed, and insight-oriented. She was formerly Counsellor at the Ashoka Centre For Well-Being, Ashoka University, Sonepat. Currently, Sanskriti is Consultant with Daffodils Therapy Studio, New Delhi.