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    Why Having A Value System Is Indispensable

    By Nilanjana Parijat
    11 Mar'22  7 min read
    Why Having A Value System Is Indispensable
    Synopsis

    Value systems are our anchors amongst the tides of change and chaos. They comprise our personal constitution and our practice of self-discipline. One might think that a value system is of importance in the larger scheme of life but, truly at every turn of our everyday lives, a sturdy value system leads us to happiness, growth, and success with people, and in our work. In this article, we talk about the ‘value system’ meaning, value systems examples, as well as why values are important in life.

    Why Having A Value System Is Indispensable
    Synopsis

    Value systems are our anchors amongst the tides of change and chaos. They comprise our personal constitution and our practice of self-discipline. One might think that a value system is of importance in the larger scheme of life but, truly at every turn of our everyday lives, a sturdy value system leads us to happiness, growth, and success with people, and in our work. In this article, we talk about the ‘value system’ meaning, value systems examples, as well as why values are important in life.

    Like many of you, I’ve spent years being forced to listen, give assembly talks, and read about why a value system is necessary. It was simply something assembly talks began and ended with. Sadly, no one ever shed much light on the ‘whys’ or ‘hows’ of this “necessary” value system. Sure, everyone spoke of discipline and hard work, and how they were key to a well-led life, but none of the stuff that made actual sense to a teenager.

    In all my work as a psychologist with older adolescents, I began recognising some key issues that they found, and still find themselves struggling with. And, to put it very simply - ‘Their lives were a mess’ - they struggled with their friendships and relationships, they were tired, life was exhausting, they often felt lost, change was terrifying, obstacles were no less than curses, and no one understood them (perhaps also because they didn’t understand themselves either).

    You see, as we enter our late adolescence, the world begins to make sense and we wish to become a part of it by making our space and our opinions explicit. But, opinions arise from beliefs, and beliefs arise from a sense of self. And, this sense of self, we think, are the preferences, interests, and ideological orientations we have, however, it is based mostly upon a personal constitution. And, the reason for that is, preferences, interests and ideological orientations are transitory, that is, they change. But, a personal constitution is a framework upon which all of this is based.

    What Is A Personal Constitution?

    To define it simply, think of it as the Constitution of a country, it is a rule book. It encompasses the guidelines upon which to run the nation, what the nation should align itself with during times of war and peace, where its best interests lie, and how to reach them. They do not speak so much of tangible goals and choices but the intangible bedrock. By the same logic, a personal constitution holds the core of a person - their values, their codes of discipline, their standards, their growth models, etc.

    Sounds boring, doesn’t it?

    The problem is with how this is all showcased to us. A value system or personal constitution is made to look like such a drag, a dry pill to be swallowed without question. Something only ambitious old people address us with when they come to our schools as chief guests. But, is that all there is to the value system meaning?

    Think of it this way, whenever we play a game, whether we play UNO or Monopoly, or Minecraft, or Mario Kart, a set of rules are important not just because anything we engage with requires order, but also because in times of disagreement in these games, one refers to the rules to help get back to this order.

    Our brains like this order, for they have evolved as a pattern recognition machine, wherein they make meaning out of the world from the patterns they sense. These systems have helped us survive, reproduce and also evolve to reach the top of the food chain. However, they have also made us hesitant and dreadful of chaos and change.

    And, most people suffer a downward spiral with such events of change and chaos. I see many of these individuals in my therapy room and they all ask me the same question, “How do I get out of this and how do I protect myself in the future?”

    And, I always answer that with a simple story - ‘When modern builders realized that taller buildings were more susceptible to earthquakes than smaller ones, they did not stop building taller structures, in fact, they went ahead and built even taller ones but they simply made sure that the foundation was deeper and stronger, both under the surface of the base footing, as well as the skeleton above the surface used to build each floor. They spent more money and effort on the bedrock to make it earthquake resistant.’

    Neither the fear nor the risk of this calamity can be controlled but the foundations can be solidified.

    Unfortunately, most youngsters mistake this for a superficial strength where they mustn’t complain, mustn’t cry or make a face, and simply take on any challenges head-on and ‘hustle!’

    But, rather, what this story aims to drive at is the necessity of values and discipline in one’s life and why values are important in life. The root structure is the values, and the metallic skeleton is discipline.

    When we engage with our social or material environments, many chaotic and challenging situations place themselves in front of us. And, what we need is not for these challenges to go away because evolution does not occur without a challenge and the need to work around a problem, but rather we need something solid to hold onto when chaos ensues. Think of them as the safety brace of a roller coaster ride.

    Value System Meaning- What Is The Importance Of Values In Life?

    Values are those ‘rules’ you choose and live by, that make sense to you, because of their fundamental moral reasoning, like not harming another human being or animal, and they eventually become the principles or ‘codes of life’. Once we have a basic understanding of the world, we can begin setting up these values. Those with values are never afraid of uncertainty because the rules act like a handrail in the dark. We no longer look to other people or the world to answer our questions with regards to our lives because our values carve out our path.

    value systems examples, value systems meaning, why values are important in life, what is the importance of valuesCreating Your Value System

    How Does One Create Their Own Value System?

    For one, we must understand that our values do not need to align with the majority. If we feel that it does not harm anyone, while also helping us Enjoy, Experience, and Evolve in life then we must imbibe them. These 3 E’s should be kept in mind when choosing our values.

    Recognizing why values are important in life will help in the further development of your value system, by channeling your energy into practicing self-discipline. The more this happens, the more your mind begins to get sharper at sticking to values and working towards growth and compassion.

    These values are the theoretical framework of our lives and self-discipline is the action plan.

    Let me first distinguish between 'discipline', and 'self-discipline' - the former is one often set by society, by law, or even by our parents and teachers, the latter is one that we set for ourselves. We have choice, control and, autonomy when it comes to self-discipline.

    Now, you might think that this only helps with bigger moral and ethical problems, and that self-discipline is for mysterious crime-fighting vigilantes and sports stars. But, that’s not the case. See, these codes are like boundaries - the only catch to this is that boundaries are set for both other people as well as for us, otherwise they don’t work.

    You may think that discipline binds you, but in my experience, it has always been the opposite. Those who are the most disciplined are also the ones who experience the most amount of freedom because they are not slaves to urges, desires, or impulses. Their values and self-discipline help them prioritize their growth over temporary pleasures.

    Let’s consider a few value systems examples of how this can work, starting with a case of mine. A few months ago, I began working with a 16-year old client and we spoke of many things that happened at their school. We recognised that much of their frustration came from being entangled in peer drama, which was both toxic and unnecessary to endure. They asked me how we could make this better and we came around talking about boundaries. I helped them set up some boundaries to steer clear of negative loops and it worked…for a few days. When we investigated why it didn’t work after a while, we figured it was because even though they had set up a boundary with everyone around them, they had failed to do so with themselves. Their own tendencies drew them back into those loops. So, we decided to set up some self-boundaries.

    For example, if we choose to not eat meat and set up a boundary outside saying no one should serve, offer or display meat in front of us, lest we start eating it again, people will think we’re a little daft. But, if instead, we set up a boundary with other people asking them to not serve any meat to us, whilst we set a boundary with ourselves to not eat meat because our value says so, it would make more sense.

    What Is The Importance Of Values?

    A value system becomes strong when we choose the value ourselves because something within us aligns with it, not because Instagram suggests it or because everyone else believes it to be true. Remember, a sense of self is gained with conscious reflection and introspection.

    And, here’s the plus point, even if the outside boundary fails because of someone’s intentional or unintentional mistake, if our self boundary is strong enough, it would not affect us too much, because our self-reliance is strong enough to lead us out of such situations.

    These self-boundaries are similar to the non-negotiable codes that we set for others, instead we ourselves have to follow through in order to take care of ourselves and develop further.

    So, whether you are facing relationship issues, problems in your friendships, or at home, remember to ask yourself….

    • What are my values, and why?
    • And, what do these values suggest I do in this new, uncertain situation to Enjoy, Experience and Evolve in life?

    And, lastly, remember that we are always remembered by the values we passed on in our work and in our families because they are, indeed, the only possessions we have.

    Nilanjana Parijat is a depth-oriented, and holistic wellness psychologist, with extensive hands-on experience in working with children, adolescents, and familes. She currently works with Reboot Wellness, Gurugram.


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