Things You Must Talk About With Your Teen

Communication serves as a bridge between people, which is why it is one of the essential life-skills. Talking to teenagers asks for direct and continuous communication. The words that you use, tone of delivering a message, content being conveyed to your teen - all calls for skillful conversation. So, what are those things that you should be talking to teenagers about more often? Read on to learn further of this.

A peeve held most commonly in parents and teenagers' relationship is regarding mutual communication. The minute parents open their mouths to say something, an eye roll or stepping away is typical teenagers’ response. Their message of “I don’t want to hear this” is clearly put across, and is often visible in their body language as well as their speech and tone. This kind of resistance to a conversation can start off a slugfest between teenagers and their parents.

Working in a teen’s mind can be mystifying. A lot of times, anything to do with their parents seems to irk them. Selective hearing kicks into play the minute parents start to tell something to their teens. With peer influence and a perceived generation gap, communicating with teenage kids might sometimes become a hassle for parents.

It Shouldn’t Be All About Studies

On asking parents as to what it is that you talk to your teen about – “studies” is the usual answer. Prodding them a little more, the same response is repeated however worded differently.

Conversations about studies should not dominate teenage relationships with parents. Are studying and grades the beginning and end of all for a growing teenager? What about their interests, attitudes, values, beliefs and dreams? How about teenagers’ feelings, emotions, needs, impulses and actions?

Adolescence is the age of evolving from a young child to pre-adulthood. It is fraught with complexities of bodily changes and emotional variability. Hormonal changes impact a teenager physically and mentally. How well they cope depends upon their awareness and learning about the on-going changes.

Conversations About Studies Should Not Dominate Teenage Relationships With Parents

Be Their Reservoir

What or who is the best source for a teenager’s healthy development from a child to pre-adult? You, the parent, can be a reservoir of factual and experiential information. Better parents and teenager relationships would require you to put your hesitations aside and reach out to your teenager. Expand the sphere of conversation from studies to their curiosities, fears, anxieties, ambitions, achievements and setbacks. Equip your teenager with basic life skills of self-confidence, independence, decision making, safety, problem-solving and conflict resolution.

Teenager maturity comes from a faith put in them by their parents and the peer experiences that they go through. As a parent, what you do and say, how you deal and act towards others is a daily master class for your teens. Parents are the teachers formally or informally, directly and indirectly to their children.

Also Read | 8 Mistakes You Should Avoid Making With Your Teenage Child

Getting Your Teen’s Attention

Another piece of advice for parents and teenagers' relationships is to have them attend to what you say. Here are a few:-

• Compliment them
• Play a game together
• Cook together
• Do not lose your cool
• Keep eye contact
• State the facts
• Control your response
• Mind your language
• Use humor
• Be an active listener
• Do not wait for them to come to you - Go to them
• Show trust and openness

Also Read | Talking To Your Teen About Love And Relationships

Things You Should Talk About

Talking to teenagers is important. What are some of the things you must talk about with your teenage child, with an obvious sensitivity to time, situation, and mental space. Let us note a few:-

• Respect for others without any biases
• Empathy for the ones not so fortunate as them
• Making informed choices based on family values
• Owning responsibility for anything gone wrong
• Having a hobby as it gives a sense of joy and fulfilment
• Assertiveness for handling peer pressure or bullying
• Expectations that are realistic and not mere idealism
• Talking to teenagers about how success and failure are part and parcel of life
• Coping techniques, as in problem-focused and emotion-focused
• Self-regulation concerning their feelings, impulses and actions
• Risky behaviour such as experimenting with drugs, alcohol, pornography and its consequences
• Vulnerabilities and safety in social media usage or online payment gateways
• Setting boundaries in personal space for self and others
• Perfection and imperfection, as in their own self-image as well as others’ perception towards the teen
• Gender equality bursting the myth of patriarchy and role demarcation done since time immemorial
• Career choices aligned with their own interest and ability, independent of parental or peer group pressures
• Role of good nutrition and healthy eating habits so that they know the futility of yo-yo diets and trending eating patterns
• Money matters like budgeting their expenses, usage of credit/debit cards, scholarships for higher education or internships
• Deeper conversations and more effort for sibling care and bonding

Communicating facts of life in teenage relationships with parents is vital. It equips them with confidence to take on things headlong. The fledglings take wings, secure in their knowledge of home to come back to, rest and recoup to soar again.

Also Read | How Should Parenting A Teenager Differ From Parenting A Child?

Dr. Sanjana Seth is a Psychologist and Psychotherapist, registered with RCI, and holds more than two decades of practising experience with the healthcare organisations of the Armed Forces, as well as those operating as private. She is skilled in administering psychological assessments, providing therapeutic intervention and psychoeducation via talks, lectures, workshops, and literary articles. She has worked extensively for children with special needs, and has taught Psychology to students at undergraduate and postgraduate levels.