Sanjay Leela Bhansali: "I am brutally honest with myself"

Q. How far have you studied?
A. I am a graduate in commerce.

Q. Commerce-why on earth?
A. [Laughs out] Good one. I’ve been asking myself this question for ever. Those days Arts was considered a strict no no. Commerce was the stream which would get you a job. That was the only criterion. But honestly I just didn’t understand it –It was just a waste of five years… I just don’t have that side to my brain that economises and plans and does credits and debits. It all went haywire. I just sat outside and watched the sea at Haji Ali... I was at Lala Lajpatrai college.

Q. Did you have any career plans when you were in college?
A. No. I was only studying to get into the FTII because they asked for graduates. That was my only purpose of joining college but then I discovered that I’d made a wrong choice in going for Commerce.

Q. Did you try out anything else to earn an income?
A.I assisted Deepak, my sister Bela’s husband in editing documentaries and advertisements...

Q. What was your first salary?
A. It was one and a half thousand with Vinod Chopra… directing the songs of his film 1942. Even before that I got a salary from Shukla Das who was with O&M working on a documentary…
Rs. 1,000/- per month.

Q. How did you spend it?
A. I don’t remember. I don’t spend money though.

Q. How do you cope with failure?
A. Oh! I get very depressed. I keep thinking about it. Then I learn so fast and so much after I’ve accepted it that it becomes a learning experience for me... In Khamoshi critics gave me 5 stars etc. But the common man didn’t accept it and I knew something was wrong. That made me think hard over it. I never sit on a failure. I learn from it. I analyse within myself what went wrong. I figure it out because I am brutally honest with myself. Once I know what’s wrong I move on. I am a terrific learner. I search for it inside me. I do not discuss it with others. There’s a tremendous thought process, an electric current of thought that runs through me. I sit and stare into space for days not in bitterness, not in self pity but only to think out what has happened.

Q. What do you fear the most?
A. Failure and wrong doing, it always rebounds on you.

Q. Is life fun or is there a purpose?
A. For me it’s only making movies- my fun and my purpose. That’s the only reason I am alive… the only thing absolutely, nothing else matters.