5 Questions To Help You Check Your Resilience Levels

Consider this – You are planning to go on a trek. You know that the trek would need you to cross over a treacherous path and a rushing river stream. How would you make sure you can safely cross the rough waters and handle any unexpected problems that arise out of this challenge? Most likely, you would consider travelling in a group which has people who are more experienced trekkers. You would also do your research about the trek and prepare yourself accordingly, with the right kind of clothing and equipment. Chances are, you will not only make it through the challenges of your trekking adventure, but may also emerge a more confident and courageous trekker.

What would help? It is probably the resilience.

Resilient Mindset

Resilience is one’s ability to withstand, recover, and bounce back from any stressful situation, chaos, and ever-changing circumstances. People who are resilient do not dwell much on failure but rather acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes, and move forward. The old metaphor, thus, stands true- resilient people are like bamboo in a hurricane—they bend rather than breaking apart. Or, even if they feel like they’re broken for a time, deep within, a part of them knows they won’t be broken forever.

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Psychologist Susan Kobasa identifies three main traits that characterise the mindset of resilient people : ready for challenge; have a sense of personal control; and a willingness to commit.

5 Questions To Ask Yourself

Wondering if you are resilient enough? You would want to ask yourself these questions.

1. What has been your biggest failure, how did you deal with it ?

Thanks to hustle culture and social media, everything is so focused on success or perfection. However, pick up examples of the most successful people in any domain, be it business, politics, academics, etc., their journeys would most often consist of their fair share of failures. Failure can be a great teacher, showing us how and where we are going wrong, and compelling us to think of ways to better the outcomes of what we engage in.

It is helpful to reflect on your past failures :- Where did you fail and what were the reasons? How did you respond to the failure? Did it crumble you down so bad that it really shook your self-esteem? Or you were upset about it for some time but decided to take positive action to resurrect it? Resilience teaches us to not brood or dwell over failures but take them as life lessons.

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2. What has been the most stressful situation you encountered, how did you cope with it?

Life of a student and stress often go hand in hand. Hustling and juggling between studies, extra curricular, friendships, personal struggles all at once could be stressful. Therefore, it becomes important to think about our coping mechanisms- What was the stress about? How did you cope with it? Were you able to calm yourself down and regulate these intense feelings? Or did you incline towards not-so-healthy coping like denying, suppressing, yelling, or using substances?

3. How well do you adapt to changes?

For instance, you may come across a sudden change in the exam date sheet or might have to shift to another school or a new house. How did you take in the change? Did it give you grave discomfort that things didn’t go as planned? Or did you take it in your stride and looked for ways to adjust to the change and foster flexibility? Resilient people understand that change is the only constant.

On the road to resilience, a person may occasionally hit a roadblock or struggle to advance. A qualified mental health practitioner can help you move your way up on the path to becoming resilient.

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4. How often do you seek support in others?

Strong and close interpersonal bonds with family, friends, and others we regularly interact with is important to function healthily in a society. Resilience is enhanced by accepting assistance and support from people who genuinely care about you. At the same time, showing empathy and compassion as a helper to someone also leads to enhanced resilience. Thus, it is important to reflect on – When was the last time you welcomed someone trying to help you rather than struggling alone with that maths problem? How often do you try to understand others’ situations and help? Resilience teaches us the importance of healthy relationships.

5. How aware are you about yourself?

Self-awareness is the capacity to perceive one's own feelings, ideas, and values with accuracy and how they affect one’s behaviour. For example- if taking an exam makes you feel sick in your body every time- you may want to try and explore what could be causing it- maybe it is anxiety. What thoughts are leading to that anxiety? How are you coping from it? In another scenario, after repeated failure in performing in a particular sport, do you pause to reflect that maybe it is not your cup of tea and that you might be good at something else?

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Seeking Help

Seeking help when you feel like you need it is essential to developing resilience. For many people, building resilience may be as simple as using one's own resources and asking yourself the questions we just mentioned. On the road to resilience, a person may occasionally hit a roadblock or struggle to advance. A qualified mental health practitioner, such as a psychologist, can help you move your way up on the path to becoming resilient.

Sanskriti Khera is a Counselling Psychologist, with five years of extensive, hands-on experience in helping young adults navigate through social and emotional concerns. Her approach to counselling is person-centered, trauma-informed, and insight-oriented. She was formerly Counsellor at the Ashoka Centre For Well-Being, Ashoka University, Sonepat. Currently, she is Consultant with Daffodils Therapy Studio, New Delhi.